B A J O

Photo credits to the owner, A.H.

Two days ago, she was sitting by the windows, no one knew she was writing her death note and thinking about the pros and cons of suicide. She knew it’s the cowardly way out, but she had to be free.

She couldn’t decide. She didn’t like permanent decisions. She didn’t like to close doors behind her in the maze of life. She feared the dead ends yet she wanted to embrace death. Yet in a way it made sense, she didn’t like closing doors behind her because that might leave her trapped. If she leaves it open, she could flee.

She didn’t know if death will serve as a cage or as wings to set her free. Free from pain, the pressure, and the bonds that held her. Free from the ones that loved her. She has learned that love is a strong bond, hard to sever.... Because love ensnares you, pulls you down most of the time and pulls you close.

To her love was another trap. So she decided to free herself.

Free of her mask, her shell. Free of her bottled and hidden emotions. Pain, she could handle but emotions, could not. It was her emotions that led her to this state. Blinded by folly and trust, she followed her heart blindly but the heart knows no reason.

Another precious life was gone and it’s too heart-rending. ☹ This post is just a gentle reminder that everyone needs love. That everyone needs a hug everyday. If anyone who's dear to us is saying the words, “I’m fine, it’s okay” and you can see in their eyes that it’s not, talk to them about it. Let us convince them that they are important. That they are worth fighting for.

To BAJO, though I’ve never gotten the chance to meet you in person, nor you probably heard my name from Justine, this one is dedicated to you. :’( As I was reading each section addressed to different people in your life, my stomach twisted and I cried so hard last night. I am still, now. I hope and pray for your eternal repose.

XOXO,

Cornball Queen