Grey Skies and Cloud Nines (A Trek to Mt. Pulag)

"Somewhere between the bottom of the climb and the summit is the answer to the mystery why we climb." 

Frozen air crept through the night as I snuggled deeper into the blanket and my already cold sleeping bag (which added to my agony considering the already nipping- cold weather) were wrapped around me like a thick winding sheet. I suddenly longed for the warm comfort I had back in Manila. 

I had barely slept as the temperature had plummeted and my hands and feet were slowly turning into blocks of ice...

I pondered. Will the cloud nine up there supplant my ever perpetual grey skies?

I had no idea what to expect.

I sat to where I was lying and took a gaze at my uber-excited then-snoring-happy-pills, (Team Aboy) and kneeled by the little windows overhead, transfixed. There was a slight rainshower and the stars above are beaming brightly in the darkness. 

I took another minute soaked in the drunk skies and fumbled for my headlamp. And when everyone was up ahead, we feasted on the-perfect-for-the-weather-super-hot-and-nummy-macaroni-soup which was specially made and prepared for us by Tatay Aboy himself, our very cool travel coordinator.

Before we begin our pace we were joined by Nanay Melda, 62 (our fab and strong Trek guide. I know, right?). The couple Kuya Eigh and Ate Aiyah led the prayer and asked for guidance. Together, we set off into the darkness in search of Mt. Pulag.

Soaking grass and muddy earth pulled at my leakedproof pantsuit as I followed the rough path out of the ranger station and into the unknown. 

As a group, we tackled the path, forcing our way through the rugged and stiff track they call the easiest *eyes rolling* (via ambangeg-ambangeg trail) but I'm dubious because it seemed not. 😅

It was pitch-black and I made a mental note to respect the forest's rules otherwise, you'd hear spine-chilling stories on the first week of February.

For some offbeat reasons, I find it kicky to just walk in the rayless course because it diminishes my hap of scare had I known I was walking through the valley of my factual death---fear of heights. 

We were on the 4th KM of our trek (out of 16 in total) and every change of foothpath I must say, from one mountain to another is no joke.  

During the climb, I realized that my long standing quest to life's fies and pshaws have been answered. (Believe me, you wouldn't want to see how I looked like before the expedition). 

To tell you the truth, I came up with an abrupt decision to climb because I felt so smothered by life's damaging summons.

I felt like I wanted to just run uphill or go up above the clouds to cry and call out that I'm deeply hurt and tired already from always trying to be strong. 

It is the painful NOs comprising of turndowns from people I value the most, the friendships and family ties that were lost along the way, the overrated pecuniary and unwelcomed health issues left and right. It is Zart and I's almost-failing marriage and the manifold  WHEN and WHY do we still need to be in pain because I'm losing my rythm already. I needed a breath of fresh air. A restart button. Otherwise, I'd lose myself. 

I could feel the glacial teardrops running down my face that no climber could see. Each step that I took has trounced the sometimes rocky but most of the time unpredictable edges of Bokod Mountains. I closed my eyes and the former teardrops soon became a gelid river island. 

"Remember that the hardest battles are given to God's stongest soldiers." I heard an anon voice from nowhere which was then followed by a warm tap in my shoulders. I looked in the forefront and backward. I was trekking in darkness alone! In between the first and second batches who took an "advance" and behind me was my team. I was not scared of the voice and the gentle reminder but in the narrow pathways, you can bet yes! 

"Focus. Look only in the course you're destined to walk through. Don't get distracted. Focus." And the voice disappeared into the thin air.

The message was crystal clear. I shouldn't let my river island distract me or else, it will cause the few solid soils to become an even slippier sludge. If I let my emotions win, I'd get to go early to my final destination. Where was I? Far from the climbers sight and sandwiched in the abyss pitfalls. It was blood-curling! 

I wobble my head and recalled the voice earlier. "FOCUS". Scared as hell, but I followed the word and prayed hard so I could cross the difficult road. When I finally did, I ran hurriedly to my team. 

During the next hours of hike, I noticed the tiny fern bracken that unfurls on the ground. There were the eerie parts of the forest, where the pine trees have grown so tall that no sunlight penetrates to the ground, leaving the bottom half of these trees denuded of leaves and grey. I heard the caw of a bird that sounds like a baby. I finally learned what a dandelion looks like yellow and happy,  before it turns into a pale clock.  

I could see the outline of Mt. Pulag ahead, blocking out the sky, rising up out of the darkness like some kind of a forgotten monument. I could barely see three meters in any direction but my happy pills -Team Aboy and new found friends urged me onwards and together we prolonged to plunge on. 

We forced our way through the tangles of grass obscuring the route uphill. The former route I thought was difficult, I realized, was just the beginning and the level of difficulty is nothing compared to the inclined grassland near the summit. Slowly but surely, we begin to climb.

The top of Mt. Pulag beckoning to us through the pre-dawn chill. 

We arrived almost without a warning, the path simply ending and spitting us out atop the summit of Luzon's highest mountain. We turned and spotted a trail of faint glows, head torches in the mist stretching across the grasslands and back towards the campsite. 

Unknown shapes danced in the darkness as the light slowly began to rise. I strained my eyes. I could just about make out what almost looked like an endless ocean of clouds.

Almost on cue, the shy sun obligued us and began to shine lightly in the distance. Slowly but surely, the scene below me was revealed. 

An endless plain of fluffy white clouds stretching as far as the eyes could see. Psychedelic patterns weaving and turning in the clouds, the sun coloring everything. It was simply incredible.

On the mountain top alone, I felt so close to HIM. The intimate connection of a selfless love I have lost for quite so many times was found again.. I closed my eyes. Trying to feel the burning light that was beating swift inside my chest. The dark shadows lurking beneath my fiendish thoughts is no match to the voice of His Spirit that is so loud and clear. Like it's almost thundering. I knew from the start that the former voice was from HIM. I cried in silence. My tears became tiny snowflakes that were washed away by the memories of this trek.  

We slowly began to leave the peak. I paused turning to look at Mt. Pulag one more time. This was truly a special place. 

The mountains surrounding the summit and the climb alone have taught me the great life lessons. 

For life, which is in any way worthy, is like ascending a mountain. When you have climbed the first shoulder of the hill, you find another rise above you and yet another peak, and the height to be achieved seems mad infinity. But you find as you ascend that the air becomes purer and thinner and more bracing that the clouds gather more frequently below than above, that the sun is warmer than before and that you not only get a clearer view of Heaven, but that you gain a wider view of earth, and that your horizon is perpetually growing larger.

Acknowledegements:

To you who came running to me and took time and effort to see me and even send me encouraging words when I needed a hand,  Pangkin Karling, Asnee, Antonio, Berry Mallows, Tobby, B. Banana, JP Loydi,  Farabels, Tinang, Master Trist, Shewa, Peachypie, JuDith, Melayski, Merls, Jerson and Aiz, Nomy, Boy AlMond and Besterday (Dear Annie), AR and Popsie Ronnie VG and Queen Quyen--you are all the shining stars in one of my darkest nights and definitely God's instruments who served as my guiding light during my trek to Mt. Pulag (metaphorical). 💥⛰ My pilot post is up and it's dedicated to you all. God bless! Ü

To Tita Mama Zsa and Gem for crying with me and for holding my hands and telling me there's hope, i love you both!! :')  to Boy Balita whom I met at CBTL for a purpose. We were strangers turned into friends. You made me cry more because of the good news that GOD wanted me to receive through you. :') thank you for sharing your outlet with me so I could charge my phone. I hope to meet you and your wife soon. 😢 :')

To my happy pills: (Team Aboy Palaboy, Cali, PoTah, Gen, Herzyu and Yona insert Yassi PressKalamansi)--- i cried when I finished this. The climb wouldn't be happier and worth it without you guys in it. I love you all to bits! 💖🤗

To my big bosses-- Chris B, Mike B  Oppa Paul G, Laura H and Rey-- Thank you. :') For the kind reminders,  for believing in me and for allowing me to experience that family can also be found in the school I often called office. ARIGATO GOZAIMASU!!! I might have pissed you off guys like a thousand times already like what I said few weeks back, but thank you so so much for choosing to understand me beyond my lates and absences. :') T'was a hard decision, but I'm carrying with me through the ups and downs the knowledge and encouraging words you've all said to me. More powers to you all! Love you!!!! ❣

To my husband, Zart. I love you!!! :') Hang in there Dada. We will see the silver lining after the heavy downpour. *why are they slashing onions everywhere?* 😢💖 

I trekked with you in my heart and in my mind. I prayed for our marriage up in there. I miss you so damn baaaaaad and I cannot wait to see you soon so we can travel again together. :') Konting tiis nalang. Yakap na mahigpit at maraming paro parong mga halik!! 😭❣

And last but definitely NOT the least, this is for YOU LORD. Because I know that YOU've been watching me from everywhere. My every step, the rise and the fall, the outbalances I make, in every mountain steep and into the unknown abyss of such scary cliff. YOU have never abandoned me even when I did and I am not proud of that. 😢 For making me feel alive again, I can't just thank you enough. I will continue to hope and pray for your mercy and guidance so we won't get separated again. My life is nothing without YOU and that is the truth that was revealed to me through the promise of sunlight and cloud nine YOU let me witnessed above. I pray to replace all the negativity with gratefulness because my heart is still beating. Yakaaaaap!! 👆🏻👆🏻⛰💪🏻