Ecrire et Survivre

"There is peaceful. There is wild. And I am both at the same time." -Sum

                  Sketches x faith 2018

Depression isn't always obvious. Depression isn't always dark days in bed, the curtains closed, the tears running down your face, the desire to just disappear stronger than the desire for something else.

Sometimes depression is waking up, eating breakfast, getting dressed, brushing  your teeth and going to work. Sometimes depression is riding a train, reading a book, singing along to the radio as you drive to work, to school. 

Sometimes depression is laughing along with your friends, and smiling at strangers on the street. Sometimes depression is sighing softly as you remind yourself to go to the gym that day. Sometimes it's coming home, showering, cooking yourself a healthy dinner and watching a  few episodes of your newly hooked korean drama. That is the reality of depression. It's getting up and it's never giving up. It's still finding the ability to smile, even if it doesn't reach your eyes. It's simply carrying on. And people take this, take your smile, your presence as you being "ok", but you are just not always, not really. :'). 

Depression is hard and it is heavy and it's a big storm cloud hanging over your head, and it's like you're waiting for the heavens to open.  

Sometimes, those heavens will open overhead at the most unlikely  of times. Perhaps you'll be sitting in a coffee shop, maybe you'll be drinking cocktails with friends and all of a sudden, it'll hit. The thunder will roll and the lightning bolts through your brain and the rain pours down on you and you suddenly don't want to anymore. You just don't want to. But you have to. You have to. 

So this is depression. This is it i am afraid though most times I'm not. It's this never ending bouts, and yes sometimes you'll feel okay, sometimes you'll feel happy and the burden will feel lighter but sometimes it will almost become too heavy  for you to carry. And when those dark days come, my darling, please take good care of yourself. :') Depression is an illness and you are entitled to treat it. Take some time off. Rest up. Feel better. And please don't feel guilty about it. For mental health is just as important as physical health. 

I still believe that we can always, always choose to feel better. 

Xoxo,

Cornball Queen